Owen is getting so big, so fast. Every mother says it happens like that. Sigh.
On the positive side of that coin, he is really starting to develop a personality and has a much greater ability to self-suffice (is that a word? or words, rather?). Meaning, he is able to play alone for a little longer, hold his own bottle, communicate (slightly - and only if growling counts), sit up unassisted, etc, etc, etc. It is amazing to watch this show of growth unfold right in front of me. Seriously - parents are not kidding when they say it's the best job in the world.
One of the new self-sufficiency areas Owen and I have been tackling has been sleep. I love holding him and watching as his little eye-lids grow heavier and heavier, as his tiny body becomes limp and his breathing slow and steady. I adore the cuddles and warmth that we share in the evenings - adore it. But I also know that, beyond what I prefer, it is also good for him to learn to fall asleep unassisted. So we still cuddle, and snuggle, but before those lids close for good I've been laying him down in the crib and sitting close by so that he can learn the joy of slowly drifting into dreamland on his own.
For the first few days I would stay right next to him, holding his hand, stroking his hair, kissing his forehead, singing softly. And at first he would fuss and cry and roll from side to side, refusing to fall asleep even though moments before he was barely awake in my arms. In turn I would pat a little more, hush a little louder, and try my hardest to help him find a comfy spot. One evening, after about 40 minutes I was praying quietly with him, for his peace and for my strength and I heard, "be patient, let him be." I recognized immediately that I had been rushing, trying to get him to sleep, urging him to learn this new skill quickly so as to cause the least amount of stress for both of us. So I stopped and just let him be. I told him that I was there and I held his hand, but I didn't rush him.
I wish I could say the story ended well, that he miraculously fell asleep right afterwards. But he didn't. And eventually Jon came in and I jumped at the chance to have someone else stand by to let him 'just be'. (I think Jon picked him up and Owen was asleep in seconds, but anyway...)
But I did learn an important lesson about peace. Tonight I sat by as Owen fell asleep with no fussing, no crying, no tossing, just a brief sigh. It melted my heart and I was content to sit and watch him for as long as it took, as long as he needed.
Some new skills just can't be rushed. Some lessons can't be imposed; to be learned thoroughly they have to be taught with patience and time.
Thankfully, I think I finally got it.
