Thoughts on Fatherhood: Year One

One year old.

Man, how time flies. This has been a momentous year of change for all of us.

The labor... the birth... watching him like a hawk as they gave him his first bath... holding him in my arms while we slept that first night in the hospital... taking him home - eager to get out of the hospital but not knowing what waited for us once we got there... family coming, family going... a tumult of emotions that we never expected... and always so much joy, over-flowing.

Those first days stretched into weeks and the difficult experience of having to return to work. Emails, deadlines and team meetings were met with a growing indifference... I just wanted to be home holding my son, and hugging my wife. Unfortunately life only pauses a however brief moment while you catch your breath, and the grind quickly returns with a new vengeance.

Time passed and so did the helpless feeling of new fatherhood. Those first few months when all you're good for is to change a diaper, make some food, and rock a crying baby to sleep. Thinking, when does fatherhood kick in? Then one magical day, he looks up and there's that glimmer of recognition... and you're hooked.

Then time sped up at an almost unfathomable rate. Soon we were feeding him more and more foods, next thing he was sitting up, blowing bubbles, making sounds, the suddenly walking... where did the time go. It seemed like more and more time was spent at work with less and less time to see his moments of development.

And yet, I was changing as well. I would look at my son late at night and see my only short-comings, my weaknesses. And I knew I had to fight my battles with renewed vigor... for him... for my family... for my wife. There's something about seeing your child that makes you ask yourself, "Who am I?" And sometimes that answer is not what you'd hope it would be.

So we've both changed... grown... matured.

There's no magical point where you wake up one day and suddenly you're a man... it happens over time, and is judged by each passing moment and your personal choices. All those things are the sum of who you are. So you get up each day and vow to become a better man, husband, father, knowing that the grace is there for you to do it. And you do it. Day after day, week after week, year after year.

There are wrinkles starting to form around my eyes now. I'm sure the grey hairs will follow. I look forward to them. It's all about growing up, maturing, and becoming the man I'm supposed to be... becoming so I have something to show him.

The joy of seeing his little face light up when I walk into the room is indescribable. And so is the responsibility of knowing he'll look to me to understand life, understand God, to understand how you deal with the difficulties in life... and constantly rise above them.

What an awesome journey we have ahead of us.

He's my son and I'm dang proud of him.

Happy 1 year, Owen