Thoughts on Fatherhood: Daddy's Girl

This post could also be titled, "Balancing the Love".

Since Everly joined our family just over five months ago, a transformation has happened within me. People always say that when you have a second child that your heart expands, rather than having to divide up some limited resource of love between the kids. I think this is true, but also a misrepresentation of the actual process.

I equate it to finding love that wasn't there before. It's like a part of your heart gets unlocked, and with growing intensity you move from knowing that you'll love this little person to actually caring deeply and protectively for them.

And girls are most certainly different than boys. Owen has always filled my heart with joy... for the bright and precocious little boy that he is, but also for the man I see him ultimately growing into. I always want to see him learn or grow into the next thing, and am constantly looking for indications of that growth.

Everly, on the other hand, stirs a different emotion within me. Her sweet little smiles and infectious laugh touch a place that wasn't there before. People joke about little girls wrapping their daddys around their little fingers... and, while I'm conscious of that possibility and pull, my intense sense of protection over her grows each day in a way that I've never quite felt with Owen.

It's odd too in a way since I don't get nearly as much time with her as I did with her brother at the same age. Seems that most of my time is spent tracking down and corralling our (over)energized 2-year old, while my all-to-brief but utterly amazing interactions with my daughter come too few and far between.

The trick is making sure that Owen gets the attention and love that he needs during this time of mental and emotional transition, while also making sure that Everly gets as much daddy time as possible... which unfortunately is never as much as either of us deserve.

The good thing is that both Everly and I seem to cherish our brief moments together with equal exuberance. I am mostly unable to lay her down for a nap because, if she notices it's me, she snaps awake and refuses to sleep. This is a mixed blessing because I rarely get to enjoy the "quietly sleeping baby in my arms" joy... but it's also a nice reminder that our growing affection is mutual... that I'm not just some stranger who comes in and out of her world.

So each day passes and I am increasingly vigilant for ways that I can steal moments with her... to build our relationship... to strengthen our bond... and for me, as her father, to track her closely so I can cherish and nurture her into the woman she'll become one day too.